


Oh, Haven't You Heard?

by BananasofThorns



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: ...mostly, Clint is wrong, Clint thinks Matt's dating Daredevil and the Punisher, Crack, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 00:24:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17908547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananasofThorns/pseuds/BananasofThorns
Summary: After encountering both Daredevil and the Punisher in Matt's apartment, Clint decides that Matt needs an intervention.





	Oh, Haven't You Heard?

Clint nearly has a heart attack the first time he collapses down on Matt’s couch, only to come face-to-face with the Daredevil mask. He manages to control his panic to a single screech, but it’s enough to make Matt come running.

“Clint?” He asks.

“Matt, why the  _ fuck _ is Daredevil’s mask sitting on your coffee table?” Panic flashes across Matt’s face for a second.

“Oh. Um, I-” Clint feels a sensation of horror descending on him as he  _ realizes _ .

“No, no, you don’t have to tell me. I do  _ not _ want to hear about your sex life with the resident Devil.” Matt’s mouth moves wordlessly for a moment. Clint plows on before he becomes even more traumatized. “ _ Anyway _ . Do you have coffee?”

Matt doesn’t answer for a second, still looking panicked and slightly confused, but eventually, he shrugs and goes to the kitchen. Clint studies the Devil mask for a moment. He turns it around just before Matt comes back. The opaque red eyes are fucking  _ creepy _ . Clint has no idea what Matt sees in it. Metaphorically.

<+>

Clint doesn’t meet Matt’s second boyfriend, who also just so happens to be a dangerous vigilante, until a few months later. He hasn’t seen any more of Daredevil’s things around the apartment, so he thinks that maybe Matt has come to his senses. He’s in the kitchen, eating Matt’s food and waiting for him to change out of his work clothes, when he hears footsteps on the roof.

He’s immediately alert and nearly impales the Punisher with a fork when he comes walking down the stairs from Matt’s roof. The fucker doesn’t even have the audacity to look alarmed.

“Where’s Red?” He asks instead. It takes a moment for Clint to get over his shock and realize that the Punisher is asking about Daredevil. It takes him another moment to get over his realization that not only is Matt still dating Daredevil, he’s  _ also _ dating the Punisher.

“Uh, he’s not here,” Clint manages to stutter out, avoiding direct eye contact by looking for a new fork. His old one is still in the wall. The Punisher walks around it and continues down the stairs, reaching the bottom just as Matt exits his bedroom.

“Matt?” The Punisher asks. He sounds confused, for some reason. “He said-” he starts, gesturing towards Clint even though Matt can’t see it. Clint thinks panic crosses Matt’s face for a second, but it’s gone before he can be sure.

“Red isn’t here right now. He had to go out,” Matt says quickly, cutting the Punisher off. They stare at each other for a second, having a silent conversation or something, and then the Punisher nods.

“Right.”

Clint clears his throat from the kitchen, waving his new fork. “I’m just gonna-?” He says, pointing towards the door. Matt must hear his intentions in his voice because he nods.

“Of course. We’ll have to catch up some other time.” Clint exits the room quickly, still not making eye contact with the Punisher, who’s watching him with amusement and maybe a bit of confusion.

<+>

Clint decides Matt needs an intervention when he sees Daredevil and the Punisher beating each other up on top of Matt’s apartment. He asks Natasha to come with him when he goes to talk to Matt a few days later, but she just gives him a look that she uses when she knows something he doesn’t. She uses it often, though, so he doesn’t question it and goes to Foggy and Karen instead. They exchange a look, which makes Clint worried that he’s missing  _ something _ , but they both agree in the end.

So here they are, standing with Matt in the kitchen of his apartment, getting ready to lecture him on his relationship choices.

“Matt,” Clint starts seriously, and Matt tilts his head in acknowledgment. There’s a bruise on his cheek, but there’s a matching one on Clint’s so he just assumes Matt walked into something. “We need to talk about something.”

“I assumed that was why you were here, yes,” Matt says. He sounds resigned. Clint blinks, momentarily thrown off-track, but he composes himself quickly.

“Daredevil, Matt? Really?” Matt opens his mouth to say something but Clint cuts him off. “And the fucking Punisher! I thought it was bad enough when you were just dating Daredevil, but the  _ Punisher _ ? They’re dangerous, Matt!”

Matt looks lost for a moment, like he really  _ wasn’t _ expecting this, and Clint allows himself to feel a moment of smugness. Karen and Foggy look like they’re trying to contain their laughter, though Clint’s not sure if they’re laughing at Matt’s predicament or something else.

“Don’t get me wrong, I would be completely fine with you dating two dudes, just not  _ these _ two dudes,” Clint continues. “The Punisher is, well, a known murderer, and I’ve worked with Daredevil a few times. He’s...intense.”

Matt raises an eyebrow. “Yes, I’m aware.”

“And so you’re dating them because…?” Clint asks. He’s fine with Matt’s relationship choices, he really is. Just not...with  _ these _ people.

Matt takes a deep breath. “Clint.”

“Yes?”

“ _ I _ am Daredevil,” he says. Clint blinks at him.

“You-?”

Matt nods. Clint stares at him. Karen and Foggy look unsurprised and thoroughly amused.

“You’re  _ blind _ ,” Clint says. Matt nods again.

“Yes, I’m aware.”

“But-”

“Echolocation, kind of. I use my other senses,” Matt explains, which doesn’t help  _ at all _ .

Clint nods slowly, backing out of the room and down the hall. “I’m just gonna go and...contemplate my existence for a bit.”

He’s already back in his room when he realizes Matt never denied dating the Punisher. Across the room, Natasha, catching on to his frustration, grins. It’s as close to real laughter as she ever gets. Clint flips her off.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Oh, Haven't You Heard?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20585825) by [MistbornHero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistbornHero/pseuds/MistbornHero)




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